enlightened child

My youngest is just about 2 1/2. That means, culturally speaking, that she needs to be potty-trained any day now.

I am in agreement 100%.

But she is my youngest, meaning that I’m pretty used to changing diapers by now. In fact, I would even argue that diapers are easier than a potty-trained child. (Have you ever had a full cart of groceries in the check out line when your child starts panicking that she or he has to go now!!)?

Even so I realize that she cannot go to preschool still wearing diapers and that countdown is putting pressure on me to get her trained. But I’m not worried, because, again, she is my youngest and the other three are fairly potty-trained--using that term loosely of course--and I’m confident in my abilities.

So I start with the classic: bribery. In my sweetest voice.

“Holland? If you go potty in the toilet, I’ll give you a (wait for it--) a potty treat!” Pause and hold excited face for seven seconds. Wait for positive and enthusiastic response from child. Optional confetti falling down. Optional hug for Mommy for being so generous. (See? I know how to do this. I’ve done it three other times after all.) Piece of cake.

She looks at me stupidly, wrinkles her nose and pouts a disgusted, “eeww!” my way and leaves.

Hmm. Probably have to re-think that whole “potty treat” idea.